Life is what you make it

Abschied nehmen

Abschied nehmen

Ein Augenblick,

Ein Moment der Unachtsamkeit,

Und dann ist es passiert.

Ich wollte nicht Abschied nehmen,

Es zerbrach in einem einzigen Augenblick.

Eine ganze wunderbare Welt brach zusammen.

Es folgte ein Moment der Trauer,

Dann kamen die Schuldgefühle.

Was war passiert? Warum?

Die Fragen erhielten keine Antworten,

Sie spukten als Gespenster durch meine Träume.

Ein Bruchstück meiner Seele war verloren gegangen.

Between here and there

Prologue

It was 13 June. A Friday. Now it was on the minute exactly one year ago that I had lost the most important human of my life. Now I had to fight out the battle of the life without him. My cover had been taken of me, without any warning. No chance for a parting, no time for preparations. Nobody could have helped him. Exactly one year ago I had stopped to be myself. Outwards I kept the bright world upright, but my parents despaired. Finally they sent me to a therapist, in addition, I could not open for him.

I got anti-depressive pills. Exactly I kept these in exactly this instant in my hand. Whether I would dare it to end my life, I did not know. But I was determined to try it. Nobody would miss me, my parents would pour a few tears. But they would actually draw a deep breath, because I made it easier for them. The concern, how they explained and justified my behavior to friends would be taken from them. There it was the one chance, my senseless, sorrowful life to terminate. It could be simple, but I hesitated. Why? Because I did not want to believe nevertheless that my death would not affect anybody. Everything which I wanted, was that someone said: „Do not do it! “ His hand seized easily around mine, which held the tablets. But then I was clear, I dreamed. The part where someone would stop me from making my plan reality couldn’t be true. But he stood there in front of me. His astonishing blue eyes regarded me and asked desperately: „Why?“ Even this feeling to mean something to him could change nothing more. My decision was made. With HIM I wanted to be, in the other world, in the eternity. What should I do without my best friend?